Ugh, just look at that pathetic Christmas cake. YO CHRISTMAS CAKE, it ain’t December 25th! Hell, it ain’t even December no more, so who the hell would want your stank ass? Don’t you be coming around here dolled up in your frosting and shiny, glossy strawberries. It just reeks of desperation, y’know? Just accept it. You’re stale cake bread covered in dried up confectionery and sour, bitter fruit. Small children would run away from you in terror. You shouldn’t have been so arrogant when you were younger. Whoa whoa whoa, are we still talking about Christmas cakes?
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